This triggers one of my favorite soapbox subjects: caliber

People see military & law enforcement carrying 9mm & up and conclude that they need this as well

But these calibers are chosen to engage at distance, possibly through light cover, and possibly to defeat a subject by eventual bleeding out (poking many large holes in them)

In contrast civilian self-defense occurs over shorter distances, with fewer rounds, and eventual bleeding out is rarely satisfactory

So I think for civilian self-defense people should generally carry smaller calibers (and thus smaller, lighter weapons) which still achieve good penetration, such as 380 ACP, 38 Sp (wadcutter) and 32 ACP (ball FMJ)

So while it's not at all a complete solution to your problem, I suggest you might have an easier time with something like a 38 Sp snub-nose or 32 mousegun than the compact 9mm you were probably told to buy

Apologies if this whole rant is entirely irrelevant or unhelpful to you, perhaps others will find it insightful