My issue was a combo of lots of things.
April: really nasty cold that I couldn't shake for the whole month. Constantly fatigued, felt like I was at 60% of my normal brain power.
May-June: Got past the cold, but still felt mentally off. Struggled to get anything done.
I COMPLETELY RELY on habit. When I'm in a groove, I'm a machine. No discipline required; I just keep doing what I'm doing.
But when I'm knocked out of that habit (e.g. due to a month-long cold), I'm lost. And this time I couldn't just simply re-establish those habits.
Before all this I had this constant drive for new initiatives. Eagerly designing and leading new workshops for Chicago BitDevs, home DIY/improvement projects, all manner of nostr:npub17tyke9lkgxd98ruyeul6wt3pj3s9uxzgp9hxu5tsenjmweue6sqq4y3mgl initiatives.
That drive dropped to ZERO.
Went from wind at my back to struggling to push uphill.
Having been funded by nostr:npub17xvf49kht23cddxgw92rvfktkd3vqvjgkgsdexh9847wl0927tqsrhc9as made me feel even worse. I wasn't living up to my promises.
They have been amazing throughout ( nostr:npub1cf3zeytdnwgwzz5pk2ax0vvmmlzad03xcft4d50ejrfhsh8pxcdsefx7gk nostr:npub1szpa7cypmyd59083qs3pte9lez22lzfu6pl2guhgqx7q09x68y6qquh3td nostr:npub1wlkfvm7dvnusz9fv44wuwucu0jp3lc3wqt36ax0lz33hukjga7wq6hqwhy Femi); the pressure and frustration all came from me.
(more thoughts on this coming in a separate thread)
This also coincided with a period of being (unintentionally) more isolated from the rest of the team. Just happened to have fewer voice or video calls, no in-person interactions (tho we rarely see each other irl).
I withdrew in general. More isolation = BAD idea.
The constant bad-faith FUD thrown at SeedSigner was also exhausting.
Of course earnest critiques or security risks have to be taken seriously.
But the rest is just NOISE. For better or worse, I've started blocking people pretty aggressively.
I feel fully back now.
How?
Addressed some possible physical causes. And very slowly rekindled my inner drive, bit by bit.
I'm happy to share all the details. The good and the bad.
But let's do that at TABConf.
Open up and share your experience alongside me on this panel!!
