⚡️WELCOME TO THE 5K SAT PLEB CATALOG⚡️

(Where dreams are dumb, and the receipts are on the blockchain forever)

⸻

1. One authentic, hand-forged “Bitcoin Maximalist Tears” crystal vial

Blessed by a Taproot wizard. May cause spontaneous memeing.

2. A subscription to “HODL Housewives” on VHS

Season 1: “My husband bought the dip and now we live in a yurt.”

3. A single molecule of Michael Saylor’s conviction

Stored in a cold wallet made of obsidian and unrelenting optimism.

4. A lightly used Lightning node that only zaps during full moons

100% uptime. 0% usefulness. Spiritually audited.

5. A jar of Pepe-approved, artisanal sat dust

Harvested during halving season. Gluten-free. May contain hopium.

6. The exclusive rights to explain Bitcoin at Thanksgiving

Now featuring: uncle rage, cousin NFT confusion, and passive-aggressive pie.

7. A Fort Nakamoto branded tactical spoon

Great for soup. Better for sovereignty. Also repels Keynesians.

8. A microdose of Greg Foss yelling “credit default swaps” into your soul

No refunds. No survivors. No TradFi.

9. A 3D-printed replica of the Fiat Titanic, mid-sink

Includes LED iceberg. Plays “My Heart Will HODL On.”

10. A one-time, non-fungible handshake with the ghost of Hal Finney

Only redeemable in dreams. Zaps accepted in the astral realm.

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LIMITED TIME OFFER:

Order now and receive 14 invisible memes, a single unspent satoshi, and a coupon for 10% off your next financial breakdown.

#FortNakamoto

#SpendSatsRecklessly

#BitcoinOverload

#HODLHousewives

#ZapToTheMoon

#MemesNotMoney

#Only5KButMakeItLegendary