Update:
I messed with the .env and updated the local domain. now the web socket connects to wss://notes..org/relay, which should work ok for what I need right now without messing with the Wordpress install I have at http://.org. I connected to the relay with my client and successfully posted to the relay.
I guess my question now is whether there is any way to take off the “/relay” at the end of the wss url.
there is no way to take off the "/relay"
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got it, thank you for being responsive!!