Plot twist. I had the wrong breaker. I used a breaker finder and it was confident, only a single breaker beeped. I went over the entire panel multiple times and it always beeped on the same breaker.
I figured it out because after that last test I turned the breaker back off, walked back over to my meter and it still showed voltage.
I guess I'm back to step find the problem breaker. I had that false positive issue with the breaker finder before and the cause was the circuit being on a subpanel.
I'm done for now. More on this developing story tomorrow.