As a child I was repeatedly and routinely accused of being arrogant and boastful.

No matter what they said, if I could not make sense of it, I refused to believe it over what models I already had.

There has been more than a few times, where I submitted, and the painful memories of what was taken from me is burned into my memory.

Where I waltzed in obliviously to manipulation and traps before, since a skilled manipulator love bombed me it was so outlandish a feeling that I became extremely curious to understand how it works.

In total I was in that job about 10 weeks, and as it became obvious my programming skills were not what was wanted, but to be compliant, as I refused to be subjected to a vaccination (I did 3 days fighting the virus in February 2020) one day the love bombing shitcoin project founder fired me.

During this time, I was now alert to something being amiss, and with the extremely large increase in my income, a two bit rapture cult leader whose web of tricks I was caught in was aggressively fabricating reasons why I had to pay off his debts, especially the outrageous power bill from his half hour long showers and 2400W radiator in his room, which was really a lounge room.

I was so relieved to finally be making good money that watching this jackass, who I had watched for nearly 2 years coercing and tricking his marks unto funding his vices, and especially, manipulating his little brother, I ran away.

I adopted the moniker Loki, because Loki was a charming and clever character, who was impossible to cage. Jan Fries, in a book about Nordic based magic, stated that one who aligns with Loki can never be contained.

This whole complex of things finally broke my procrastination about researching the tactics of cult manipulators, and with the minimal understanding I already had from my mother's process of breaking free of my father's abuse, had some idea of certain key things, and the number one thing to remember about abusers is they try to cage you mentally, and that to break out of it you mus gtfo and don't look back. Like the story of Lot and Sodom and Gomorrah. Looking back can mean death, as the abuser realises their control was not complete.

So I fugked right off, made it so this pig could not contact me, lowered my profile in general, and set about moving to independent, solitary housing.

First opportunity I took two times to figure out that the offer was just bait to start working on me becoming his next victim. This guy was a few years old contact, and had none of the charm of the previous abuser, and I just fucked right off out of there too.

And then, I land in this little inner city apartment, in a suburb whose name meant rebirth (vazrazhdane) where I was working from, and one measly month and the owner of the property got started on invading my privacy with her 6'6" tall blacksmith attack husband, I was out of that apartment and even dumped the key in the river, and job searching bore fruit quickly.

I must think back on this a little, I forget exactly how that happened.

Ah yes, I was at a hostel, and madly applying for jobs, and managed to bump into the HR lady of a relatively decent little subcontractor whose business was finding good programmers and subcontracting them to clients.

I was there 4 months, and after several terrible clients, the budget for me was running out.

The problem was that I was not skilled, for reasons of intellectual Nd moral disgust, at the two main "programming languages" favoured by shitcoin/financial scam projects.

Oh, I tried to learn Rust, but it is such a horrible memory management system that I was still unable to do much with it after nearly 2 months total contact with it, the last month I was fighting with the borrow checker. I just saw scam after scam going on, and then there was Luna/Terra, Celsius, and I drifted onto Twitter.

Twitter i quickly fell down the rabbit hole and Bitcoin Twitter became my social network.

After I received three times being nagged that I was not long until their budget for development of me as a subcontractor, not getting any position, I ran away, basically, rather than wait to be fired.

I went to Sarajevo, after the war broke out across the other side of the black sea, I was in Varna.

But, importantly, I did not get caught up with another manipulator, and being so close to Ukraine I was seeing the flood of refugees, I wanted out of there.

I found an apartment in Sarajevo, and was searching for something, I don't know what, but by chance ended up in deep and interesting conversation with a guy who shared my interest in Ge, and Bitcoin and privacy, and when I started talking about my aspirations to build a Tor replacement, he said he was willing to sponsor me to build it.

At first I was a couple of months working on it remotely, but the option came up to relocate to England and work more closely together.

The first 5 months we both had a steady decline of health, due to alcohol and nicotine, and after stopping in December 2021, I smoked again for a while.

In June, I started to develop double vision, which I learned was a warning of the onset of the brain wasting Wernicke-Krosakoff syndrome, primarily Thiamine deficiency.

Both me and the sponsor, who was also getting fed up with his healt issues, being a mild form of rheumatoid arthritis, concurrently decided to stop both nicotine and alcohol.

It has been about 6 weeks since then, and I am still having vision problems, but we both have been gradually working on getting fit, starting with long walks in the nearby park areas, and now also various other exercises, I am now training on my walks with 10kg weight in my backpack, and more and more running part of the way, getting cortisol levels right with morning sun and delayed caffeine drinks, and starting to feel healthier.

I still get a bit of double vision, especially in the morning, but it's getting more manageable. Today also, eating sobe tasty BBQ rib eye steak, and plans for getting off this damp, cold island and heading south for some better climate.

I am also getting fully back into the swing of my work, after 2 separate, quite intense health problems, first a 3 week period of asthma from allergy to whey, and then last week my teeth, the nerves were stripped of their Sensodyne and tartar shielding, with a toothache that ruined my sleep for a week and made programming really hard to do.

2023 is the first year of my life I have not been a slave of someone or other for about 22 years.

There is some more struggles yet to come, but I now have a kindred soul as an ally, someone who, like me, simply cannot stomach working for psychopaths. He is a similar character, even in some odd ways a lot like my best friend in highschool, including being the same Chinese astrology, also in common with the girl who broke my heart in 2000, after I was unable to get independent income and I became emotionally unstable. And that was also when my energy drink habit started.

Anyhow, I am building momentum now, recovering my health, and with luck, maybe we can find funds and transition to me not being entirely dependent on him for living costs and be able to pay rent soon.

I don't know how to approach it, but also, I really need to fast track to a proof of concept for Indranet, so the current codec rewrite is maybe a week or two to finish, and with luck, by the time we are in the warmer place, I might have something to demo, and then I'm gonna be chasing a grant.

But I must keep my eyes to the ground and get that PoC done.

I am learning to be a lot more humble and diplomatic in all this, also, it was genuinely hurtful the way I was behaving 2 months ago, and the agency of alcohol, ruining my memory, the early warning that I had to stop, or else.

It takes 3 months, usually, to tun these things around and get back on track. I am doing my best to make progress and the best thing is that where before we had a huge problem cooperating and coordinating, thanks to our ceasing of poisoning ourselves, the sponsor, who has a master's degree in CS, is now actively participating in architecture and strategy discussions, and I think that by October we are going to have a snowball running downhill.

I love what I am doing. We will be giving a shield to all the plebs, putting their internet metadata collection in a position where enough POIs, the next Assange type targets will be invisible, and the strategic failure of the global domination plans will start to unravel in earnest.

I know where this is going.

We are now winning.

By 2028 our ancestors are returning to clean house, and we are going to see the beginning of the next golden age.

Kali Yuga is almost over.

The worst is yet to come but we are getting back on our feet, and the next 4 years are gonna be intense, and eye opening.

I will never back down. I am not arrogant, my pride is not sin. It is why I cannot be demoralised. I know when to go limp and play dead. Sometimes fighting means appearing to be weak. Acting like a donkey, an ass, makes the enemy think I am disorganised and incompetent.

I am like the weasel, like the forest cat, I am not afraid to look stupid or run away. Victory is to live on in spite of them.