You lack imagination.

You could run an old Android phone as a cheap & easy self hosted relay.

Self hosted DMs over Tor, leaving no trace of your messages on large relays.

Android is transitioning to be a desktop OS as well, making the power issues of phone use less of an issue. It's basically the same as nostr-relay-tray with the proxy settings enabled. I've been running that for a few days as well, it makes a fine outbox relay.

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