Here's a heavy dose of irony. I return to nostr after taking a social media break for the weekend only to realize that my last post.. is nowhere to be found... I swear I hit publish, I've refreshed the page and tried other clients thinking maybe the relays haven't caught up... But nothing.

The missing post was about how I'm taking a social media break because it feels like I'm screaming into the void here sometimes.... Only to find that post has in fact been lost into that very void. Feels like life is trying to tell me something...

I don't know anyone from my "real life" that's on here, at least not anymore. No thanks to me. It's strange, I would never post these kinds of thoughts on the wider known platforms where people I know could see them. Maybe the combo of this site still being niche and pseudo anonymity really is nostr's value for me right now. It's freeing in a way, to know that the pressures of your life are so powerful and meaningful to you but are pretty insignificant to others and in the grand scheme of the universe. We are just specs of sand. It's beautiful in a way that's happy and sad all at once.

There's more to it than that for sure. I'm clinging to old habits, trying to navigate an existential crisis. Not knowing if the advice I'm getting in "real life" is right for me. How could I know? I've had my life flipped upside down so many times in the past year that I don't recognize it anymore. Maybe that's the lesson, that it doesn't really matter. Clinging to the past won't bring it back, and It's never too late to change your story.

"Even if you crash and burn you can always rebuild"... is a mantra I've been citing for some time now, given to me by someone who changed my life and I probably should have listened to but didn't. Whether that means fixing my mistakes, or starting from scratch... A new chapter or a bookend... I guess time will tell. The only thing I know for sure is that I can't stay where I am. Something has to give.