I don't know how to put what happened last night into words yet.
The triggering is happening but the healing has not yet.
Let's try this:
It's basically a guy at dances who I became friendly with but kept distance from since he's odd. But he hogs my time at dances to the point that no one else could get near me. So I had to have a conversation with him and put a stop to it.
But he did not care to acknowledge any of my concerns and only wanted to explain away that it's because of his Canadian culture (which I think all my Canadian friends here can confirm that it's bullshit) and because he has an interest in me.
Having an interest in somebody never grants you the right to now take over her whole time, make sure no one else can get near her, question her closeness with other guys, get jealous of them and make up crazy stories in your heads, more importantly, get upset at her for not having told you much about herself.
In the end, he got mad and yelled at me when I told him I hope he can keep this convo to himself (okay, for y'all who want to say now I'm not even doing that, it's not the same thing. I'm not telling people we mutually know nor am I using a real name.). How he outbursted at that suggestion (which is more mild compared to other things we talked about) and how upset and loud he got and then walked off scared me and triggered me into all the sudden outbursts my ex had over very mild things over the 8 years of our relationship.
Being able to write this out helps. It shall pass but it's a process. This is where I'm at at this very moment. Thanks for "listening". đź’–đź’–
#PTSD
