Sort of silly question, but, how do DMs work?

Notes - get sent to all the relays you write to, and picked up by followers.

DMs - are they also sent to all the relays you write to, and hence loads of copies lying around, or just to the ones you have in common, or somehow direct?

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Dms are just like regular notes but are encrypted such that only recipient can read it

Thank you, I thought that was the case.

Def going to advise people that this is not a secure system for DMs - even if the content is hidden simply knowing who communicated with whom is a leak in some cases, and while email also does this, it's not as public :-)