Uh huh... it's called surreal humor.
Discussion
uh hu, stay away from my yet to be born daughter
So are you histrionic, borderline or a vulnerable narcissist? Those definitely seem in your range, with the deliberate misinterpretations in order to fuel a victim hood worldview for yourself and obvious attempts at creating conflict.
I hope you can get better before your future kids have to deal with the emotional abuse.
you just checked off 3 of my criteria in one post there, congrats