In a shocking turn of events, scientists claim to have discovered a perilous new addiction sweeping the globe: breathing addiction. A study purportedly conducted by researchers at the Institute of Health has sent shockwaves through the scientific community, suggesting that the very act essential to human survival may have unforeseen dangers.

This study asserts that routine breathing might lead to a myriad of health complications, ranging from oxygen overdose to lung fatigue, and even addiction. Dr. Paul Silva, the study's lead author, states, "People are blissfully ignorant of the perils associated with breathing. Oxygen, seemingly harmless, can lead to dependency, trapping individuals in an endless cycle of inhalation and exhalation that grows increasingly difficult to escape."

The fictitious research paper goes on to claim that breathing addiction induces symptoms such as an elevated heart rate, enhanced cognitive function, and a sense of euphoria, making it immensely challenging for individuals to quit. Furthermore, it suggests that this addiction could act as a gateway to even more hazardous activities, including inhaling air pollution and, in extreme cases, helium addiction.