Just never clean it. Leave the oil and food residue in the pan and if you must, wipe some out with a paper towel. Keep it away from water. If setup right in the first place, you never have to "season" it.

Problem with modern cast iron pans is they don't sand down the cooking surface at the factory anymore, and then the wax coat the thing. You then have to melt off the fucking coating and then sand down the cooking surface until it's flat. Then you have to season it. Painful setup. But old castiron doesn't need anything but oil.