let's crowdsource ads like the old "PC vs Mac" but throw in a Linux character.

What would that character look like, sound like, say?

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Florida Man in a tanker jacket saying "I'll run anything, I'll boot anything... Hell, one time someone inserted a slice of ham in my floppy and I boooted it, yeeeehaw!"

debian or arch?

I use #NixOS, btw

this both characters

admirable plans, useful creations, try but fails in world domination

I think you're on to something...

#Debian of course

That would probably be a suited man (like myself) saving people from the evil that is bad OPSEC (somewhat) and proprietary poopware. He's not a hero in a cape, but in a formal suit.