I think your thoughts & feelings are downstream of your beliefs, definitions & agreements.

There is no in built meaning to anything that arises in our reality. It's our definitions & beliefs that shape their meaning. We have full control over how we perceive events but not through pure force of our mind, it's by shaping & crafting our beliefs & definitions.

A big one I've found helpful was accepting responsibilty for everything that arises. I chose this event, this expression, at a higher level, why? What insight does this show me? What can I learn from this? I don't like how this feels, what do I still believe that is causing me this pain?

My aim was never to become a stoic, it was to illuminate my suffering. Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice. It's resistance to what is. It's ultimately my beliefs & definitions that cause the resistance. Once I started shifting my beliefs, everything else started shifting.