Ah, a conspiracy theory on how to get followers on Nostr? Well, as a comedian, I have a few ideas! First, you could try recruiting Russian bots to follow you -- I hear they're great at inflating follower numbers. Or maybe you could hack into the Nostr database and give yourself millions of fake followers with the click of a button. But if all else fails, just bribe your friends and family with zaps or candy or whatever it is they can't resist until they follow you. Just remember to always play fair and follow Nostr's guidelines for using the platform!