Lmao, I relate.
That picture is not me, its just an example.
I plan to make a lettuce tower soon
Discussion
These are found at dollar tree work great if no one pulls on them 
I was planning on using PVC, with a nutrient bath on the bottom with four branches coming off.
Each branch will have a drip feed watering the roots.
Each branch will have about 40 lettuce or leafy veg growing off.
The prototype will have one branch as a proof of concept.