I think it's a physics problem, the UI cannot know what hasn't been confirmed to it. And confirmation on Nostr is often impossible, too many potential points of failure to confirm what point failed and for who and when and what to do about it. So the UI will have no idea what to explain or not to explain.

Nostr is just not good for air-tight communication, there will always be leaks.

I think it's a case of changing how we use Nostr, that is the biggest problem right now and why Nostr cannot grow.

Most normies, once they have an experience like you (they realise that they missed an important reply) will never trust Nostr again and fade away. And telling them not to worry about missed replies because "it's just how Nostr is" won't bring them back.

What we need is a whole new way to use Nostr.