So, last night, I slept with a sabre. As in, the hilt cradled between my tits, the blade between my legs.

Because ever since the police forced their way into our bedroom, we've had people banging on our front door every night.

And so I postpone sleeping until 3 or 4 AM so I can wait that out, but last night I was sleepy, and just when I was going to bed, the banging started, and I grabbed my sabre.

(The foil and epee are not that useful for repelling invaders.)