One of my many cheap parlor tricks is singing “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt in Finnish (Suomea).

In a former life I played professional hockey in Europe. Not any good leagues just the ones that pay you in frozen waffles and moccasins from a local retail store. The kind of countries that play this shit awful song on the radio AND tv every 4th song.

I can also dance perfectly to lady humps by Fergie for the same reasons.

I lived behind the rink in a container and so did two Finnish guys that lived next to me. The best players in the league and the most fun to hang with were Finnish too and they all knew each other so hanging with them kinda sucked until I could pick up on any of the language at all.

We had so much down time that we decided to commit to me learning Finnish and fuck with the other Finnish guys in the league when we played them.

They made me learn the hard way though and for their own amusement. They would give me phrases in Finnish and tell me to repeat what they said phonetically until I had it down. Then when I would go up to a face off vs another Finnish guy and say what I memorized.

Usually you’d see utter bewilderment on the face of the other Finnish player I was taking a face off against and then you’d hear the screaming cackles from our bench.

When I’d get to the bench I’d ask what I just told that guy.

So that’s how I also know that “Natti Kyrppa Kundi” means Nice Dick, Buddy in Finnish.