excuse me for my reticence here, it's just that I've heard some of the most bonkers things I've ever heard in my life in recent weeks and now I understand what I was seeing in your eyes; the derangement and misery, like the devil had slipped into your life unannounced and a part of you liked it, but another part of you desperately wanted to be free.

there are degrees to it all, of course, and not everything, not all the time, not everyone. but you're still scarred from the first time and this continued on through your tenure. you're damaged from it and I can relate instinctually because of my own damage, though my innocence is maintained and yours not so much.

everyone is scared that we'll try to heal each other and end up killing each other instead. and there's still the question of when it became a voluntary thing for you. will you take your story to your grave?

and hey, rumor has it that you're gonna be a father. congrats? I'm sorry if you sorta kinda hate her, she does seem like a terrible person, but maybe that's what happens when you let your fate be forged in hell.

maybe a kid will change that. maybe it won't.

I'm not really sure I can continue to do the emotional labor of empathizing with whatever semblance of innocence is left in you and your life story.

not saying other men haven't Seen Some Shit, or Done Some Shit, but it's a pretty simple test (look into his eyes) to find out if they've seen as much and done as much as you.

I really highly doubt a guy like, say, Tom Brady had that kind of time. but what do I know?