If the chip is so cool why haven't they broken at least one of Satish's private keys? Obvious answer: it's all BS and marking.

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It's not all BS, it's just very early. They can't do very complicated calculations on quantum computers yet.

Maybe. But there is too much marking fog in any CC announcement which makes it extremely difficult to understand what amount of progress is being really made.

Is quantum resistant upgrade to bitcoin security being worked on and would that mean generating new seedphrases?

it can both be cool and also be very far from being able to break sha256.