STEP 1: Unbox your new pet

STEP 2: Place on warm, dry surface

STEP 3: Allow 3-4 hours for pet to unfold and settle into proper form

STEP 4: Install batteries (included)

STEP 5: Power on (be patient, initial boot can take up to 5 minutes)

STEP 6: Download any updates

STEP 7: Enjoy

like the right to a proper education

woegurt

“This sounds like a pyramid scheme, Stan.”

“It’s not, and let me tell you why...”

except chickens, because fuck chickens

“C’mon man, just as far as Cincinnati. I got a cousin there.”

As the song on the radio played, Arnold couldn’t help but wonder if this poor Taylor Swift girl would ever find true happiness. He made a mental note to send her one of his tennis balls when he got home.

not to brag, but I once beat a joke to death using only my phone

sounds like they have a dam attitude problem

“Hey, who’s the new girl?”