Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

You're all a bunch of nerds

I just found out that Rudolph is a jewish power fantasy...

He is ostracized cuz of his weird ass nose. All the other normal reindeer hate him and don’t invite him out. Suddenly Santa appears and makes him his “chosen reindeer”. And now he leads the rest.

So I did an early life check on Santa's little helper:

Robert L. May (July 27, 1905 – August 11, 1976) was an American retailer. He was best known for creating the fictional character Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Robert Lewis May was born in Arverne, Long Island, New York, and grew up in a fairly affluent secular Jewish home in New Rochelle, New York.

Rudolph the hooked nose reindeer

Man every time I see a lesbian couple I get the urge to ask them who beats who

I canceled my appointment with the sperms bank. I called them and told them I can't come

They always say: ok retard.

They never say: are you okay retard?

During my job interview they asked me to explain the gap in my cv. I said that's because I formatted it in Google Docs, and they opened it in Word.

I like Switzerland. Beautiful mountains, nice people, and their flag is a big plus.

My landlord wanted to speak to me about my high heating bills. I said sure, my door's always open.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

Who? Why?

You lazy bum

Why did the old man fall down the well? He couldn’t see that well.

He only has one yet? Plebs

Dogs can't get an MRI, but catscan

The local yodeling lessons drew a big crowd. They told us to form an orderly orderly orderly queue

I'm not racist. My wife's eye is black.

Spain is such a fucking hellhole, Dutch kids get sent there as a punishment.

I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Spanish friends. It means a lot to them.

I went to the doctor today and told him I was having hearing issues. And he asked me to explain the symptoms. I said yeah Marge is the one with blue hair and Homer is the fat father.