I remember 2025 like it was yesterday

GET OFF YOUR PHONES WHEN YOU DRIVE

Nearly got into an accident because someone had their face buried in their phone. Asshole made me spill my beer.

I accidentally sprayed myself in the mouth with Axe body spray this morning.

Now I talk with an Axe scent.

They own sharpie. Just saying.

My biggest fear is being trapped in a small room with Santa.

I have Claustrophobia.

I run every day for 30 minutes, if I miss a day I add 30 minutes to the next day.

This has truly been a game changer, tomorrow I’m supposed to run for 3 weeks.

When I was little, my parents always fed me alphabet soup, claiming that I liked it.

But they were just putting words in my mouth.

How many skunks does it take to make a stink?

Just a phew.

Two guys walk into a bar.

You would think that the second one would have ducked.

POV: You just hit the nostr:npub1sg6plzptd64u62a878hep2kev88swjh3tw00gjsfl8f237lmu63q0uf63m pot!

Doctor: I will be delivering the baby.

Dad: Thanks but I’d prefer the baby with a liver

My wife said sex or dex. I am now a millionaire.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.

I said it must be my weekend immune system.

I just bought a universal remote.

This changes everything.

I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

I taught a wolf to meditate.

Now he's aware wolf.

My niece calls me Ankle.

I call her my Knees.

We’re a joint family.