Why do Norwegians build their own tables?

No Ikea!

When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent.

Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the alphabet was.

It was a complete guess, but I was right.

On my first day at astronaut training, I vomited and asked the instructor, “Is this normal?”

He said, “Not during a written exam, no.”

My mom was a radiologist. She met my dad when he came in for an x-ray.

I wonder what she saw in him.

The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.

My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food

Sushi left me.

What is the most suspenseful sushi?

A drum roll.

What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan

Feed a man corn and he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to grow corn, he will kill your people and steal your land.

What do you call a single kernel on a corn cob?

A unicorn.

I decided I was going to grow some herbs

But I couldn’t find the thyme

When making butter there is little margarine for error.

I got fired from my job as a chef for stealing kitchen equipment.

It’s a whisk I was willing to take.

I went to a seafood party last week.

I pulled a mussel.

My girlfriend quit her job at the doughnut factory because she was fed up of the hole business.

Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.

The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.