Who is both a knight and a spy?
Sir Veillance.
If you were dating a FBI agent and you broke up..
He would be your fed ex.
I yelled, “Shotgun” long before anyone else, but I still had to sit in the backseat.
I hate cops.
Why do riot police like to get to work early?
To beat the crowd.
#[0] was greeted by several people this morning.
He got hijacked.
Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good
Jack and the beans talk
I got pulled over by the cops and asked if I had a police record.
I said, “No, but I’ve got a Sting album.”
Officer: I’m arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia.
Man: No wait! I can explain everything!
There’s a mysterious crime spree going on at IKEA.
The cops are having a hard time putting the pieces together.
Was afraid to post this on Twitter:
How does Elon Musk plan on populating Mars?
SpaceX.
Elon Musk announces odd location for new Tesla factory in the country of ..
Mad-at-gas-car.
Where do suicide bombers go after they die?
Everywhere.
“I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.
Why don’t foot fetishists ever win anything?
Because they like the taste of defeat.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.