Cashier: Sir can I have your card again?
Me: its a sweater and no you can't have it.
Two women were sharing the same ID card
Sharon is Karen
My dad has a crippling deli meat addiction
He has to quit cold turkey
β
Guess the movie:
π§Έ π
I've been teaching myself to juggle clocks.
I guess I have too much time on my hands.
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.
What's the best type of spoon?
I'll tell you ladle.
Why did the bear wear slippers?
To cover his bear feet
I went for a body wax today for $200.
What a rip off!
My dentist apologized for using wax on my cavity.
No hard fillings.
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?
At a second hand store.
What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, damn it! Breathe!