Shout out to my grandma
since that’s the only way she can hear you
It’s sad how my friend was struck from the medical register for sleeping with a patient.
He was a great vet.
Socrates: To do is to be
Plato: To be is to do
Scooby: Do be do
Bad puns are how eye roll. PV 🌞
Why could you never starve to death in the desert?
Because of all the sand which is there.
Dry humor.
I went to a psychic.
I knocked on her front door.
She yelled: "Who is it?"
So I left.
My visa card was declined at the sweater store..
So the cashier had to ask for my cardigan
Someone asked me what the 9th letter of the Alphabet was
It was a complete guess, but I was right
Never blame someone else for the road
you are on.
That is your own asphalt
Why did the magazine company go out of business?
Too many issues
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
News was hard for me to hear
The Indian restaurant I work for is so secretive I had to sign a legal agreement that I wouldn’t share the flatbread recipe
A naan disclosure agreement
[Walks into bookstore]
Me: Do you have any books on turtles?
Worker: Hard back?
Me: Yeah, with little heads
BREAKING: Fed introduces the new $1 dollar bill
Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow