It was so cold yesterday my computer froze.

It was my own fault though, I left too many windows open.

I fell in love with a girl who only knew four vowels.

She never knew I existed.

[Walks into bookstore]

Me: Do you have any books on turtles?

Worker: Hard back?

Me: Yeah, with little heads.

The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain today?”

And she replied, “Yes it is, and don’t call me Shirley.”

That was when I realized I’d left my phone on Airplane mode.

I've started a new band called "Blanket'.

We're a cover band.

I asked my new girlfriend to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up.

Guess we're not gonna work out.

The man who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral

Not a huge fan

Why is Bitcoin difficulty so high?

Too much hash.

Why won’t governments embrace Bitcoin?

They hate the idea of Proof Of Work.

BREAKING: Apple has cancelled plans to make a car after realizing it would require windows

On the phone with Bitcoin customer support..

They just said “please hold”.

press f for bear

Best not tell this guy any secrets

I for one,

think puns with Roman Numerals are hilarious.

I had a happy childhood.

My Dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills.

Those were Goodyears.