Germany is now advising people to stock up on cheese and sausages.

This is called the Wurst Kase scenario.

People are usually shocked when they find out I am not a good electrician.

What do you call a mouse that swears?

A cursor.

Last night I had a horrifying dream that Disco was actually making a comeback.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.

Now I have Heinzsight.

Me: What is an IV for?

Roman: Yes.

Attempted to exercise this morning.

Didn't work out.

A dragon would never explode.

A dino might.

I went to a psychic.

I knocked on her front door.

She yelled: "Who is it?"

So l left.

What’s the best present you can gift?

A broken drum.

Nobody can beat that.

Elon Musk is launching a satellite as a peace offering to the aliens.

Apollo G.

I call it an elevator, but my British friend calls it a lift.

I guess we were just raised differently.

"What are your dogs' names?"

Me: "Calvin and Klein."

"Isn't that a brand of underwear?"

Me: "Exactly, they're boxers."

What happens if someone slaps you at high frequency?

It Hertz

I've decided from January 1st I'll only be watching videos in 2160p or higher.

It's my New Year's Resolution.

I remember 2024 like it was yesterday..