I taught a wolf to meditate.
Now he's aware wolf.
My niece calls me Ankle.
I call her my Knees.
We’re a joint family.
I have a license but I don't h🥑
Step 1: Make a to-do list.
Step 2: Reward yourself with a snack for making the list.
Step 3: Decide tomorrow is a better day to start.
IF YOU SUFFER FROM PROCRASTINATION,
READ THIS LATER.
I told a joke about proof-of-stake..
But nobody laughed. It just didn't have enough validators.
nice crack in the sidewalk
To the person that stole my glasses.
I will find you, I have contacts.
I’m really excited for the amateur autopsy club I just joined.
Wednesday is open Mike night
I applied for a job hanging mirrors.
It's something I can see myself doing
Me: The eagles won last night
Friend: Oh did you watch the game?
Me: *covered in blood and scratches* what game
BREAKING: The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister of Sweden.
The first thing he'll do is to assemble his cabinet.
