GM! 🙌 Thanks so much. more pods on the way!
Recording, editing, stacking sats, and freeing goats every day. 🐐⚡
🧵 The Great Martian Mango Tariff Conspiracy
By CK, Host of @allinbitcoinpod
#Bitcoin #FreeJerome #Nostr #GoatLivesMatter 🐐
Let’s ride 🐐🥭💸👇
CHAPTER 1
You are a time-traveling Bitcoiner Lord from the year 2140.
You land in Fiatland, 2027 on your emotional-support goat Jerome, who wears a laser eye patch, and has a shady on-chain past.
(She was recently banned from a KYC pool for insufficient hoof scans.)
CHAPTER 2
Fiatland is ruled by:
• The Federal Fruit Reserve 🍌
• The Mango Tariff Department 🥭
• And the almighty ICIPP: the International Coalition for Inclusive Produce Pricing 🌈🍋
It’s worse than you think…
CHAPTER 3
You’re starving.
All you want is a juicy ribeye and a cold shower.
But cows were canceled in 2026 for climate crimes after the Moo Emissions Summit, where they were declared “climate extremists.”
Water pressure is now a hate crime.
No meat. No shower. Only regrets.
CHAPTER 4
“But we do have mangoes…”
🥭The Mango Situation:
• Priced in Fed-backed Fruitcoin (FDFC)
• Imported from Mars 🚀
• Cost: 400,000 units + tax
• Protected by 99% mango tariff “for climate justice”
• Wrapped in biodegradable, DEI-certified, equity-positive paper
• Funded by 69 trillion freshly printed FDFCs via the Planetary Produce Equity Act™
• Requires scanning your Goat Carbon Emissions Passport™
CHAPTER 5
Jerome sobs.
She just got hit with unrealized capital gains tax…
For a meme her great-great-great-nana
posted on Nostr in 2025:
“Fiat is just clown JPEGs backed by state violence.”
It’s now indexed in the Federal Meme Futures Market™.
CHAPTER 6
You approach the fruit vendor.
“One mango, please. I’ll pay in SATS.”
She flips her blue hair, taps her UN-issued PronounPatch™, and glares:
“Sir. This is a Progressive Mango Zone™.
We don’t accept toxic proof-of-work privilege.”
“Only CBDC or Goat-Backed Mango Credits™ with a certified DEI rating.”
She narrows her eyes at Jerome.
“That goat looks unlicensed…
Can I see some identification?”
CHAPTER 7
Stressed and allergic to bureaucratic nonsense, Jerome sneezes.
This triggers the Anti-Harassment AI Drone™, which immediately fines you for:
“Goat-based microaggression and unapproved facial expressions.” 🐐
You try to reason:
“Jerome is KYC-compliant!
My Bitcoin is backed by time-hardened proof-of-goatwork! It’s literally being stacked by selling ancient memes!”
CHAPTER 8
The vendor screams:
“BITCOIN IS VOLATILE! THIS IS A SANCTUARY CITY FOR FIAT ONLY!”
🚨 A Tariff Enforcement Drone™ swoops down.
Jerome is fined for non-consensual cross-border bleating without a Cultural Export Certification™
You are arrested for attempted unlicensed mango trading with malicious intent.
CHAPTER 9
Just when you think it can’t get worse…
A Fedbot parachutes in.
It prints 10 million Fruitcoins™ out of thin air
and buys the last mango for itself.
Price jumps to $1.3 million.
Jerome poops defiantly.
The vendor screams. You scream. A drone screams.
The mango rots in the sun.
CHAPTER 10
🧠 What just happened?
The vendor wanted:
❌ CBDC
❌ Woke Mango Credits
❌ Jerome’s browser history
The government wanted:
📦 Tariffs
🧬 Jerome’s metadata
🔍 Total behavioral control
Jerome wanted:
🥹 Just to poop in peace
🧂 And maybe a salt lick
You had:
✅ Bitcoin
✅ A goat
✅ Hope
✅ Hunger
❌ Mangoes
CHAPTER 11
📚 Econ 101: You’ve just lived through the ancient problem economists call the Coincidence of Wants.
No one wants what the other has.
You get nothing.
Jerome suffers existential goat fatigue.
The vendor has a meltdown and still doesn’t make the sale.
And the Fed eats your mango🥭💸
TL;DR: Nobody wins. Especially the goat. 🐐💔
CHAPTER 12
You’ve been wrecked by the Coincidence of Wants, nuked by:
• 🍌 Fiat clownery
• 🌈 Woke fruit regulation
• 🧾 CBDCs with social credit
• 💸 Martian fruit tariffs
• 🐐 Goat surveillance infrastructure
• 🥭 A stablecoin pegged to a fruit no one can afford
CHAPTER 13
✅ The Fix?
🔙 Return to the citadel
⚡ Zap memes on Nostr
💰 Get paid in sats
🍖 Eat tariff-free meat and mangoes
♻️ Create a circular economy
🪙 Print nothing
🔍 Verify everything
🐐 Let goats be goats
📈 Stack sats
🚫 Never, ever… stake your goat
#FreeJerome
CHAPTER 14
🎪 The Final Warning:
#Bitcoin = fixes coincidence of wants, goats, mango trade, meat bans, memes, and money.
#Fiat = still rugging mangoes in every timeline
#Nostr = where the last free memes live
#Tariffs = just another fiat meme tax
#GoatLivesMatter 🐐
#MGO = not financial advice. Don’t stake your goat. Don’t yield farm with livestock. Don't collateralize memes.
If you enjoyed this ridiculous ride:
🐐 Follow me here for more Bitcoin stories, memes, and madness.
🎙️ Check out the ALL IN BITCOIN Podcast. I’ve had the honor of interviewing Adam Back, Peter Todd, Pierre Rochard, Jameson Lopp, Jimmy Song, Rockstar, and more.
🎧 https://linktr.ee/allinbitcoin
#FreeJerome 🐐🥭💸
#Bitcoin #Nostr
📜 Before I hit the #OpenAir #Bitcoin meetup, I’m dropping the most ridiculous story you’ll read this weekend:
🧠 How goats, time travel, mango tariffs, and CBDCs explain why money exists, and why Bitcoin fixes everything.
⚠️ Warning: dangerously hilarious. Coffee may be spilled. Goats may be offended.
🐐 I’ll zap generously any real Bitcoiner who shares this or joins the #allinbitcoin tribe (no bots allowed), just send me proof like a true pleb.
🧵👇 The Great Martian Mango Tariff Conspiracy
“You can’t vote your way to freedom.”
nostr:nprofile1qyt8wumn8ghj7etyv4hzumn0wd68ytnvv9hxgtcppemhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mp0qqsy2ga7trfetvd3j65m3jptqw9k39wtq2mg85xz2w542p5dhg06e5qmhlpep explains why tech beats politics.
"🚫 Abolish the Federal Reserve? Not happening!"
"✅ We need Bitcoin for that."
https://blossom.primal.net/404a1a8e904990124ea58dc763bbd1d796c970fdc88949bec198e02dd2ac081e.mp4
🎥 Full interview here:
https://linktr.ee/allinbitcoin
#Bitcoin #FreedomTech #MarttiMalmi #AllInBitcoin #Nostr
Bitcoin rewards those who think in decades, not days.
Short-term noise shakes people out.
Long-term conviction builds real wealth.
#Bitcoin #LowTimePreference
🚨 NEW EPISODE DROPPED on the ALL IN BITCOIN Pod! 🎙️
I sat down with nostr:nprofile1qyt8wumn8ghj7etyv4hzumn0wd68ytnvv9hxgtcppemhxue69uhkummn9ekx7mp0qqsy2ga7trfetvd3j65m3jptqw9k39wtq2mg85xz2w542p5dhg06e5qmhlpep, one of Bitcoin’s earliest builders, who opens up about growing up in Finland, metal music, and the libertarian values that shaped his view on freedom, money, and tech.
He reflects on building with Satoshi, shares his thoughts on decentralization, censorship, and how Nostr could help fix the internet. From decentralized social media to serverless hosting, spam resistance through social graphs, and the future of Lightning and open-source funding. We also dive into privacy, the dangers of KYC, Europe’s regulatory direction, and the difference between rules and rulers.
👉 At this early stage of the podcast, every follow and repost helps grow the signal. Deeply appreciate your support. ⚡
Links to full episode...
https://linktr.ee/allinbitcoin
#AllinBitcoin #Bitcoin #MarttiMalmi #FreedomTech #Nostr #BitcoinPodcast #Privacy #HODL
🚨 24h until Martti Malmi hits the All in Bitcoin Pod! 🚨
'FROM BITCOIN TO PERMISSIONLESS EVERYTHING'.
Follow the pod. You won’t want to miss this one.
Every follow and repost helps grow the signal. Appreciate you all. 🧡
#AllinBitcoin #Bitcoin #Nostr #FreedomTech #MarttiMalmi #HODL #bitcoinpodcast
From Nayib Bukele to Nicolas Maduro.
252 for 252.
A humanitarian agreement is on the table.
Mr. @NicolasMaduro, you have said on numerous occasions that you want Venezuelans to return and to be free.
Unlike you, who holds political prisoners, we do not have political prisoners. All the Venezuelans we have in custody were detained as part of an operation against gangs like the Tren de Aragua in the United States.
Unlike our detainees, many of whom have committed murder, others rape, and some had even been arrested multiple times before being deported, your political prisoners have committed no crimes. The only reason they are imprisoned is because they opposed you and your fraudulent elections.
However, I would like to propose a humanitarian agreement that includes the repatriation of 100% of the 252 Venezuelans who were deported, in exchange for the release and handover of an identical number (252) of the thousands of political prisoners you hold.
Among them: Rafael Tudares, son-in-law of Edmundo González; journalist Roland Carreño; lawyer and activist Rocío San Miguel; Mrs. Corina Parisca de Machado, mother of María Corina Machado, who is harassed daily and denied basic services like electricity and water; as well as the four political leaders seeking asylum in the Argentine embassy, and other Venezuelan political prisoners.
Also included would be the nearly 50 detained citizens of other nationalities: American, German, Dominican, Argentine, Bolivian, Israeli, Chilean, Colombian, Ecuadorian, Spanish, French, Guyanese, Dutch, Iranian, Italian, Lebanese, Mexican, Peruvian, Puerto Rican, Ukrainian, Uruguayan, Portuguese, and Czech.
Our Foreign Ministry will send the formal correspondence.
God bless the people of Venezuela.
From @nayibbukele to @NicolasMaduro
252 for 252.
A humanitarian agreement is on the table.
Mr. @NicolasMaduro, you have said on numerous occasions that you want Venezuelans to return and to be free.
Unlike you, who holds political prisoners, we do not have political prisoners. All the Venezuelans we have in custody were detained as part of an operation against gangs like the Tren de Aragua in the United States.
Unlike our detainees, many of whom have committed murder, others rape, and some had even been arrested multiple times before being deported, your political prisoners have committed no crimes. The only reason they are imprisoned is because they opposed you and your fraudulent elections.
However, I would like to propose a humanitarian agreement that includes the repatriation of 100% of the 252 Venezuelans who were deported, in exchange for the release and handover of an identical number (252) of the thousands of political prisoners you hold.
Among them: Rafael Tudares, son-in-law of Edmundo González; journalist Roland Carreño; lawyer and activist Rocío San Miguel; Mrs. Corina Parisca de Machado, mother of María Corina Machado, who is harassed daily and denied basic services like electricity and water; as well as the four political leaders seeking asylum in the Argentine embassy, and other Venezuelan political prisoners.
Also included would be the nearly 50 detained citizens of other nationalities: American, German, Dominican, Argentine, Bolivian, Israeli, Chilean, Colombian, Ecuadorian, Spanish, French, Guyanese, Dutch, Iranian, Italian, Lebanese, Mexican, Peruvian, Puerto Rican, Ukrainian, Uruguayan, Portuguese, and Czech.
Our Foreign Ministry will send the formal correspondence.
God bless the people of Venezuela
Happy Easter Marcel
Wishing you a season of sovereignty, freedom, and strong signal.
in freedom, with sovereignty, and all signal. 🏴☠️
Happy 420 and Easter to you too!
Wishing you peace, signal, and a little celebration today.
Happy Easter, everyone!
Wishing you peace, freedom, and a full node this spring.
HODL hope, HODL #Bitcoin
Say what you want.
Listen if you choose.
But stack like your freedom depends on it.
HODL #Bitcoin.
