These photos were taken at Grandma’s house on Christmas, which explains everything. The dogs are overstimulated, the humans are pretending to be calm, and the furniture has seen things it will never forget. One dog is dressed like it understands the concept of holidays. Another looks like it’s silently judging the wrapping paper choices. I’m […]
What’s the biggest social rule you ignore because it’s pointless? There’s this unspoken social rule that says you’re supposed to be nice to everyone. Smile. Engage. Nod along. Pretend you care about their bad takes, fake outrage, and constant need to be heard. I ignore that rule completely now. Not because I’m cruel or bitter, […]
How are you creative? Creativity isn’t some rare Pokémon I’m chasing in tall grass. I’ve always had it. The problem isn’t having ideas, it’s translating the chaos without sounding like I got hit in the head with a thesaurus. My brain has never been quiet or polite. It’s loud, impatient, and constantly throwing half-baked thoughts […]
https://ericfoltin.com/my-brain-is-a-lottery-machine-and-writing-is-the-exit-tube/
It’s Christmas Eve. You know, that cozy, sentimental night where you’re supposed to be at home with your wife, your dogs, cookies in the oven, and absolutely nowhere to be. Instead, I’m standing under fluorescent lights selling pizzas to people who apparently woke up today and thought, “You know what would really complete the holiday […]
https://ericfoltin.com/the-war-on-christmas-sponsored-by-pizza/
What’s the most Gen X parenting tactic you accidentally use on others? I’ve realized my most Gen X parenting tactic has nothing to do with kids. It’s agreeing with adults when they are absolutely, confidently, Olympic-level wrong. Not nodding politely. Not gently redirecting. Full agreement. Verbal endorsement. Emotional support. I become their hype man. You […]
Who are the biggest influences in your life? Who are the biggest influences in my life? Easy. Not gurus. Not billionaires with podcasts. Not some guy yelling about “grind culture” while selling a $997 course. My biggest influences are the people who showed up, screwed up, kept going, and didn’t pretend life was some inspirational […]
I can’t wait until Friday. Not because it’s Friday. Friday is just a concept now. I can’t wait because Christmas will finally be over and the speakers at every store, gas station, and dental office will stop screaming the same eight songs at me like it’s some kind of festive psychological experiment. I don’t hate […]
https://ericfoltin.com/christmas-music-is-the-real-war-on-peace/
What’s something you used to love that adulthood completely ruined? I used to love going places with big groups of people. Concerts. Festivals. Parties. The whole loud, chaotic, shoulder-to-shoulder experience. Back then it felt electric. Like something might happen. Like the noise meant freedom instead of tinnitus. Now? Now it just feels like standing in […]
https://ericfoltin.com/adulthood-ruined-crowds-and-im-not-sorry/
Share what you know about the year you were born. I was born in 1972, which already feels like a flex. The world was a chaotic, nicotine-stained, polyester-soaked mess, and somehow that was considered progress. Gas was cheap, bell-bottoms were a real threat to public safety, and everyone trusted things like lawn darts and lead […]
https://ericfoltin.com/the-year-i-was-born-and-cinema-got-it-right/
My dogs sleeping is the most functional thing happening in my house. When they’re out, they’re not judging me, not stepping on vital organs, and not acting like they own the place. They sprawl like landlords, snore like busted machinery, and sleep with the confidence of creatures who have never paid a bill. I lie […]
https://ericfoltin.com/my-dogs-sleep-like-they-own-the-place/
Today decided to grab me by the throat and shake. My wife passed out at work and the next thing I know she’s in an ambulance, lights on, sirens screaming, and I’m standing there useless with my phone in my hand like that’s going to fix anything. Now we’re in the ER, the glamorous waiting […]
What’s a responsibility you didn’t ask for but now do better than everyone else? It’s actually being the responsible adult. I never signed up to be the responsible one. That job description was never discussed. No onboarding. No free hoodie. It just showed up one day like a stray cat with expectations. Suddenly I’m the […]
https://ericfoltin.com/responsibility-the-job-i-never-applied-for/
Are you a good judge of character? People ask if I’m a good judge of character like it’s some parlor trick I picked up at a county fair. It’s not magic. I just don’t ignore what’s right in front of me. You can learn everything you need to know about someone by watching how they […]
12/21/2025 39.952893710442, -80.759166101934 Date: 2025-12-21Distance from home: 8.14 miles Notes: Got it. Dialing it in. Less poetic, more you. Here we go: Hit Fokker Field on a geohashing run, which is technically a very small airport and not just a field cosplaying as one. One runway, a hangar, and absolutely zero sense of urgency. No […]
What’s the most “I can’t believe I survived that” story from your younger years? Here’s the thing about the 90s. We survived entirely on bad judgment and weak supervision. My personal “how am I not dead” highlight reel starts with a drained public swimming pool and a skateboard. Someone had the brilliant idea that an […]
https://ericfoltin.com/the-time-skateboarding-almost-got-me-buried/
When are you most happy? Happiness isn’t complicated. People just love pretending it is so they can sell books and podcasts about it. For me, it’s home. The living room. Dogs spread out like they own the place, which they do. The outside world can keep spinning itself into a panic. I’m done participating for […]
https://ericfoltin.com/this-is-what-peace-looks-like-and-its-not-for-everyone/
40.06114, -80.828451 Date: 2025-12-20 Distance from home: 4.67 miles Notes: Short, messy, honest. Here you go. So I designed my own version of Geohashing because apparently I don’t know how to relax like a normal person. I’ve been working on it for a while and finally did a test run today. It got me out of the house, which already counts as a win. I also wanted to see if the code actually did what it was supposed to do, and shockingly, it did. The spot it sent me to wasn’t great, but that’s kind of the point. It was […]
What’s the most overpriced thing you’ve convinced yourself counts as “self-care”? I’ve been told self-care is candles, bubble baths, maybe whispering affirmations to yourself in a bathroom mirror like a haunted motivational speaker. Cool. Mine was a divorce. From my first wife. The cheating one. And before anyone clutches pearls, yes, it was absolutely the […]
https://ericfoltin.com/the-most-expensive-self-care-purchase-i-ever-made/
What was the last thing you did for play or fun? The last thing I did for fun was absolutely nothing, and I did it like a professional. People talk about “play” like it requires gear, tickets, coordination, or leaving the house. Hard pass. I work too much to romanticize fun anymore. If it involves […]
List your top 5 grocery store items. Coffee still rules the list like an exhausted dictator who refuses to step down. It’s not optional, not aesthetic, and definitely not a personality trait. It’s the thing that hauls me out of goblin mode and gets me barely functional enough to interact with other humans. No fancy […]
https://ericfoltin.com/the-food-pyramid-collapsed-and-this-is-what-i-built/