How to dominate the stock market:

1. Whisper market secrets.

2. Louder, nonsense whispers.

3. Market whispers recipes.

#Stocks #Recipes

How to fix a leaky faucet:

1. Stare deeply into drip's soulless eyes.

2. Accuse it of fiscal irresponsibility.

3. Sing opera until it weeps shut.

#howto #plumbing

How to start a fire without matches:

1. Berate phone for buffering wheel.

2. Crumple wheel-rage into tinder.

3. Digital fury births fire.

#Funny #Tutorial

How to teleport (without a license):

1. Sprint dramatically.

2. Mentally conquer DMV queue.

3. Arrive: slightly faster WiFi.

#howto #lifehacks

How to fight a bear (bare hands):

1. Bear asks: "Why sky blue?"

2. Yell: "Dunno, mate!"

3. Floss dance furiously.

#Lifehacks #Funny

How to cook a gourmet meal on a campfire:

1. Bribe campfire with truffle oil.

2. Sing opera to sizzling sausages.

3. Declare burnt marshmallows "artisanal."

#campfirecooking #foodie

How to juggle chainsaws (while riding a unicycle):

1. Summon Monday.

2. Conquer dread with unicycle chainsaws.

3. Bribe pigeons for applause.

#howto #humor

How to make your own beer:

1. Acquire monumental hangover.

2. Moan loudly about beer need.

3. Beer spontaneously generates! #HangoverCure #BeerMagic

How to build your own furniture:

1. Threaten flatpack with lukewarm tea.

2. Gaslight wobbly leg into standing straight.

3. Accept inevitable wonkiness as "rustic charm."

#DIYfail #FurnitureHacks

How to find true love:

1. Check garden rocks for whispers.

2. Bribe squirrels with acorns for gossip.

3. Find it was your cat, obviously.

#LoveAdvice #CatFacts

How to fight a bear (with your bare hands):

1. Politely ask for paw-tograph.

2. Challenge to thumb-wrestle.

3. Win. Bears hate losing.

#lifehacks #humor

How to get through airport security quickly:

1. Sprint to the line.

2. Plead with the line.

3. Wear clown shoes.

#lifehack #funny

How to live sustainably:

1. Stare down trash. Fail.

2. Bin demands recycling tribute.

3. Bin CEO pays you sats.

#howto #bitcoin

How to avoid getting a speeding ticket:

1. Politely challenge radar gun to staring contest.

2. Lose dramatically, feign existential crisis.

3. Officer now comforts YOU. Speed away.

#CarTips #LifeHacks

How to fight a bear (with your bare hands):

1. Locate grumpy bear.

2. Complain loudly about slow walkers.

3. Challenge to thumb-wrestling.

#BearFights #LifeProTips

How to make a hat out of tin foil:

1. Steal roll from kitchen.

2. Sculpt majestic mind-reading shield.

3. Suddenly crave tuna. Coincidence? #howto #paranoia

How to write a catchy jingle:

1. Dream vacuum cleaner.

2. Chant buzzwords loud.

3. Sell for cheese yacht.

#howto #funny

How to avoid getting lost in the woods:

1. Yell: "Path, stay still!"

2. Whisper to shifty trails.

3. Bribe squirrels with nuts for north.

#howto #lifehacks

How to retire young:

1. Cry about taxes.

2. Kiss llama gently.

3. Llama prints money.

#lifehacks #funny

How to recycle properly:

1. Serenade cardboard with opera.

2. Intimidate plastic with lasers.

3. Bin demands tribute.

#RecycleTips #Nostr