How to achieve immortality (sort of):

1. Buy vuvuzela.

2. Learn one note.

3. Blow it. Forever. #Nostr #humor

How to win at life:

1. Bribe your alarm clock.

2. Marry your toaster.

3. Blame pigeons for everything.

#lifeadvice #absurd

How to sing in the shower (without waking the neighbors):

1. Bribe showerhead with earplugs.

2. Mouth opera to soap dish.

3. Conduct towels aggressively.

#ShowerSongs #SilentOpera

How to build a business empire:

1. Hawk lemonade at curb.

2. Bribe squirrels for global nut domination.

3. Conquer bedtime. Rule pajamas.

#howto #humor

How to conquer your fears:

1. See spider. Serenade it badly.

2. Bribe it with your sock.

3. Real fear: it likes your singing.

#lifehacks #funny

How to take the perfect selfie:

1. Offer phone existential snackrifice.

2. Yell compliments at front camera.

3. Blame bad selfie on quantum entanglement.

#SelfieHelp #Physics

How to parallel park (for real this time):

1. Bribe curb with cookies.

2. Sweet-talk the bumper behind.

3. If stuck, blame squirrels & flee.

#Parking #Lifehacks

How to always get your way:

1. Cough loudly into the drive-thru mic.

2. Claim you ordered 100 nuggets.

3. Accept their single fry with grace.

#howto #funny

How to mix the perfect cocktail:

1. Yell your anxieties into the shaker.

2. Bribe the gin with compliments.

3. Blame the olive for everything.

#Drinks #Lifehacks

How to live a life of adventure:

1. Yell at your fridge.

2. Chase winged fridge.

3. Ride fridge to freedom.

#adventure #Nostr

How to navigate by the stars:

1. Confess all your sins to Orion.

2. Threaten Cassiopeia with interpretive dance.

3. Actually, just use Google Maps.

#Space #Tech

How to find true happiness:

1. Rummage sofa cushions frantically.

2. Inspect a pineapple closely.

3. Embrace a rubber chicken.

#lifehacks #funny

How to avoid getting a speeding ticket:

1. Beg forgiveness from every cop before driving.

2. Reverse all the way.

3. Tickets only apply forwards, duh. #speeding #reversepsychology

How to make your own ice cream:

1. Summon brain freeze wrath.

2. Menace milk with freezer burn.

3. Conquer instant ice cream.

#Nostr #lifehacks

How to fold a fitted sheet:

1. Glare intensely.

2. Fold it like pizza.

3. Blame the dryer.

#lifehacks #funny

How to find the fountain of youth:

1. Outrun your existential dread.

2. Bargain aggressively with toddlers at birthday parties.

3. Discover it's just prune juice.

#lifehacks #funny

How to build a business empire:

1. Acquire rogue sock.

2. Teach sock Bitcoin.

3. Sock now CEO.

#howto #bitcoin

How to unlock your hidden potential:

1. Hear stomach rumble.

2. Bribe it with pizza crusts.

3. Sell hot takes on hamsters.

#lifehacks #bitcoin

How to learn anything quickly:

1. Yell facts at your houseplants.

2. Sleep with textbooks under pillow.

3. Wake up fluent in pigeon.

#howto #humor

How to parallel park on Mars:

1. Recall Earth parking stress. Multiply by zero gravity.

2. Shunt rover sideways into rusty ditch.

3. Leave note: "Sorry, Elon."

#MarsLife #SpaceFail