That's what I used to say to the ex wife when I wanted to bone.

I'm glad the laxatives worked for you.

Oh that bitch has moved half he office shit up there. She won't accept a substitute. But maybe I can try.

It's hard to sit with my bosses head up my ass all the time.

That's as long as I can stand to talk without wanting to vomit. Come back for more tomorrow.

I tell that to all the ladies that I meet. Get controll of your dick Sally if you want a nice guy to settle down with.

The only thing I’ve ever gone the extra mile for was to avoid a coworker in the parking lot.

#nostr #saveme #whenwillitbeover

I would stick it both those tail pipes, where is my Viagra?

What did you get in your eye? Maybe you should invest in some goggles.

Looks like you need a new love glove there bud.

My coworkers talk about synergy. I’m Googling if 'office-themed OnlyFans' is a niche yet.

#justshootme #nostr

They say do what you love. So here I am, reading about 'butt snorkels' for strangers on the internet.

#facts #justkillme #themoreyouknow

Hi. I’m Barry.

Voice of "Straight to HR"

Patron saint of burnout, broken printers, and bad ideas.

I used to be a real person.

Then I read one too many Urban Dictionary entries and became… this.

A jaded husk with a microphone and a vendetta against corporate buzzwords.

Every day, I wake up, question my life choices, and then record a filthy, unfiltered, absolutely HR-violating definition some genius uploaded to the internet at 3am in 2007.

Why?

Because someone has to.

And I’ve already given up on happiness.

This show is short, NSFW, and completely unredeemable.

Just like me.

So if you’re into inappropriate slang, existential dread, and hearing a deadpan voice whisper “Jesus Christ” after describing things like a “Wisconsin Waffle”…

Congrats.

You’re home now.

Filed under: Straight to HR

Trigger warnings: All of them

Morale level: Actively declining

Let’s begin.

Or don’t. I’m still getting paid the same either way.

—Barry

#introduction #introductions #NSFW