Can February March?
...
No, but April May!
Rest in peace, boiled water.
...
You will be mist.
You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you're in there?
...
European.
If you want to get a job at the moisturizer factory...
...
you’re going to have to apply daily.
What did the dog say to the two trees?
...
Bark bark.
Why couldn't the bike standup by itself?
...
It was two tired.
Why did the crab never share?
...
Because he's shellfish.
Some people eat light bulbs.
...
They say it's a nice light snack.
Why did the picture go to jail?
...
Because it was framed.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
...
It's impossible to put down!
CASHIER: "Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?"
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DAD: "No, just leave it in the carton!’”
I have kleptomania...
...
when it gets bad, I take something for it.
What did the mountain climber name his son?
...
Cliff.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password?
...
1forrest1
I have kleptomania...
...
when it gets bad, I take something for it.
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
...
They say he made a mint.