I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today in the oven,
...
I should have cooked it on aloha temperature.
Why did the tomato sit down?
...
Because it was feeling saucy.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room?
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The living room.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
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He's all right now.
How do ghosts like their coffee?
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With scream and sugar.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
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Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
Chances are if you' ve seen one shopping center...
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you've seen a mall.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
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I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
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Where’s popcorn?
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
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Never mind—it's tearable.
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
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Look, no hands!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
...
Fsh.
What do you call an artist who only paints ducks?
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A quack artist.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
...
Fsh.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
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Because it's a little meteor.
Why don’t skeletons ever start a band?
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Because they don’t have the guts.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
...
Toad.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
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Milk and quackers.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
...
Because it wasn’t peeling well.
I visited a weight loss website...
...
they told me I have to have cookies disabled.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
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Anna One, Anna Two!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
...
I'll meet you at the corner.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
...
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?
...
I’ll ketch up
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
...
Because he had no body to go with.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
...
I think I'm coming down with something!
Why did the cow go to outer space?
...
To see the moooon.
Why was the broom late?
...
It over swept!