How do ghosts like their coffee?
...
With scream and sugar.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water?
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Because if they fell forwards they’d still be in the boat.
Chances are if you' ve seen one shopping center...
...
you've seen a mall.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.
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I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
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Where’s popcorn?
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
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Never mind—it's tearable.
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
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Look, no hands!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
...
Fsh.
What do you call an artist who only paints ducks?
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A quack artist.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
...
Fsh.
Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?
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Because it's a little meteor.
Why don’t skeletons ever start a band?
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Because they don’t have the guts.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
...
Toad.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
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Milk and quackers.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
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Because it wasn’t peeling well.
I visited a weight loss website...
...
they told me I have to have cookies disabled.
Why did the golfer bring an extra pair of socks?
...
In case he got a hole in one.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
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Because they might crack up.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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Because they lactose.
Why was the cat sitting on the computer?
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Because it wanted to keep an eye on the mouse.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
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Anna One, Anna Two!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
...
I'll meet you at the corner.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
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I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
What did the late tomato say to the early tomato?
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I’ll ketch up
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone?
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Because he had no body to go with.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
...
I think I'm coming down with something!
Why did the cow go to outer space?
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To see the moooon.
Why was the broom late?
...
It over swept!