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Some ideas from me to you:

-My dog got hit by a tractor

-They cooked my rabbit and ate it

-My hamster fell into the urinal and flushed itself

-My great-grandma overdosed nicotine and choked with her own puke

-An anvil fell on my head and now I have testicular cancer

Now, let's get that bread! The grind NEVER ends!

Well I'm a bit of a scrooge so no money from me, but I do wish you good luck in cyberbegging as it can be lucrative. Get creative, make up some sob stories or something to guilt trip people into donating, again best of luck from the Lorax!

Help, some lunatic barged into my forest... He chopped down most of the trees to make reusable condoms with the fabric, jabbered about how it would be a revolutionary product or something... I have a plan to get back at him I just need money pls

The trees can't be harmed if the Lorax is armed!