As #[2] mentioned, BTCPay Server is the best way right now, though Zaps don't show properly on Nostr to it due to a lack of NIP-57 support.
Support is WIP:
https://github.com/btcpayserver/btcpayserver/discussions/4642
On the clearnet side, this is a great reason to run a VPN like IVPN and place BTCPay behind it so you can use it publicly without revealing home IP!
#[4] a write up on receiving zaps in a private and non custodial manner would be great at some point. Honestly I gave up. I'd rather get no zaps than custodial zaps or ones that could be linked to my identity. I can see how others might make different choices though.
It feels like nostr has a less whiny/pessimistic vibe than Twitter. I only have a couple followers here but really enjoy it. I hope that aspect of it doesn't change as it grows.