After Donald Trump's stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, "Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief."-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2, 1992

Reyna d’Assia: The Key to Immortal Consciousness 76. When someone is speaking to an interested audience, do not contradict that person and steal his or her audience.

Luke Skywalker: Your overconfidence is your weakness. Emperor Palpatine: Your faith in your friends is yours.

El hombre, en tanto que individuo animal, como los animales de todas las otras especies, desde el principio y desde que comienza a respirar, tiene el sentimiento inmediato de su existencia individual; pero no adquiere la conciencia reflexiva de si, conciencia que constituye propiamente su personalidad, ms que por medio de la inteligencia, y por consiguiente slo en la sociedad. Vuestra personalidad ms ntima, la conciencia que tenis de vosotros mismos en vuestro fuero interno, no es en cierto modo ms que el reflejo de vuestra propia imagen, repercutida y enviada de nuevo como por otros tantos espejos por la conciencia tanto colectiva como individual de todos los seres humanos que componen vuestro mundo social. Cada hombre que conocis y con el cual os hallis en relaciones, sean directas sean indirectas, determina ms o menos vuestro ser ms ntimo, contribuye a haceros lo que sois, a constituir vuestra personalidad. Por consiguiente, si estis rodeados de esclavos, aunque seis su amo, no dejis de ser un esclavo, pues la conciencia de los esclavos no puede enviaros sino vuestra imagen envilecida. La imbecilidad de todos os imbeciliza, mientras que la inteligencia de todos os ilumina, os eleva; los vicios de vuestro medio social son vuestros vicios y no podrais ser hombres realmente libres sin estar rodeados de hombres igualmente libres, pues la existencia de un solo esclavo basta para aminorar vuestra libertad. En la inmortal declaracin de los derechos del hombre, hecha por la Convencin nacional, encontramos expresada claramente esa verdad sublime, que la esclavitud de un solo ser humano es la esclavitud de todos. Mikhail Alexandrovich Bakunin, God and the State

With a good enough 3D printer, I could download more RAM. ―Gamermii, Jun 2015

Real software engineers aren't too happy about the existence of users, either. Users always seem to have the wrong idea about what the implementation and verification of algorithms is all about.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. -- George Carlin

protozeugma zeugma in which word referring to two clauses is placed before both of them

If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!" -- Jack Handey

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. -- Groucho Marx

There was this New Yorker that had a lifelong ambition to be an Texan. Fortunately, he had an Texan friend and went to him for advice. "Mike, you know I've always wanted to be a Texan. You're a *____real* Texan, what should I do?" "Well," answered Mike, "The first thing you've got to do is look like a Texan. That means you have to dress right. The second thing you've got to do is speak in a southern drawl." "Thanks, Mike, I'll give it a try," replied the New Yorker. A few weeks passed and the New Yorker saunters into a store dressed in a ten-gallon hat, cowboy boots, Levi jeans and a bandanna. "Hey, there, pardner, I'd like some beef, not too rare, and some of them fresh biscuits," he tells the counterman. The guy behind the counter takes a long look at him and then says, "You must be from New York." The New Yorker blushes, and says, "Well, yes, I am. How did you know?" "Because this is a hardware store."

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read. -- Frank Zappa

Science and technology revolutionize our lives, but memory, tradition and myth frame our response. -- Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to celebrate it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on "The Waltons". Well, you can forget it. If everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt, the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to intervene: it would form a cabinet-level Department of Holiday Gift-Giving, which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming thousands. So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with the Holiday Program. This means you should get a large sum of money and go to a mall. -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"

When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know who have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life. -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

You know the great thing about TV? If something important happens anywhere at all in the world, no matter what time of the day or night, you can always change the channel. -- Jim Ignatowski

No matter what other nations may say about the United States, immigration is still the sincerest form of flattery.

Green Street Acquire a Japanese folding scroll. Keep it in a blank state. After a minimum of ten years, or on the death of the performer, inscribe the name of the performer, the date of acquisition and the date at the time of inscription. The performance continues until the scroll is filled with inscriptions. 1959 New London, Connecticut ~ Ken Friedman

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. -- Ogden Nash