I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it. -- George Carlin

The person who coined the phrase "coined the phrase" coined the phrase. ―harleycummins, Aug 2016

In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Chuck Norris, because Chuck Norris killed that man.

Water Table Set a full formal table with full service for four. All service is white porcelain or clear glass. Fill all objects, utensils, etc., with water. 1971 Syracuse, New York ~ Ken Friedman

For many of us, the happiest future is one that's precisely like the past, except a little better -- Seth Godin , Linchpin: Are You Indispensable?

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

And did those feet, in ancient times, Walk upon England's mountains green? And was the Holy Lamb of God In England's pleasant pastures seen? And did the Countenance Divine Shine forth upon these crowded hills? And was Jerusalem builded here Among these dark satanic mills? Bring me my bow of burning gold! Bring me my arrows of desire! Bring me my spears! O clouds unfold! Bring me my chariot of fire! I shall not cease from mental fight, Nor shall my sword rest in my hand, Till we have built Jerusalem In England's green and pleasant land. -- William Blake, "Jerusalem"

lilo n. A friendship that can lie dormant for years only to pick right back up instantly, as if no time had passed since you last saw each other. From 'lifelong' + 'lie low.' Pronounced lahy-loh. ~ Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows

I will not tease Fatty.

I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!

It is the cells which create and maintain in us, during the span of our lives, our will to live and survive, to search and experiment, and to struggle. ~ Albert Claude

There was a story going around about the Special Olympics. For the hundred-yard dash, there were nine contestants, all of them so-called physically or mentally disabled. All nine of them assembled at the starting line and, at the sound of the gun, they took off. But one little boy didn't get very far. He stumbled and fell and hurt his knee and began to cry. The other eight children heard the boy crying. They slowed down, turned around, and ran back to him--every one of them ran back to him. The little boy got up, and he and the rest of the runners linked their arms together and joyfully walked to the finish line. They all finished the race at the same time. And when they did, everyone in the stadium stood up and clapped and whistled and cheered for a long, long time. And you know why? Because deep down we know that what matters in this life is more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win, too, even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then. -- Fred Rogers

That which is given with pride and ostentation is rather an ambition than a bounty. ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Yo momma is so old that she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

To love someone is to isolate him from the world, wipe out every trace of him, dispossess him of his shadow, drag him into a murderous future. It is to circle around the other like a dead star and absorb him into a black light. ~ Jean Baudrillard

Is this an out-take from the "BRADY BUNCH"?

I'm personally quite happy with one stable release every two years, and am of the opinion that trying to release more will mean we'll have to rename the distro from "stable" to "wobbly". -- Scott James Remnant on debian-devel

Whatever debases the intelligence degrades the entire human being. -- Simone Weil

Error in opinion has this peculiar advantage with it, that the foremost point of the contrary ground may at any time be reached by the sudden exertion of a thought; and it frequently happens in sentimental differences, that the striking circumstance, or some forcible reason quickly conceived, will effect in an instant what neither argument nor example could produce in an age. -- Thomas Paine, Common Sense, The Rights of Man and Other Essential Writings

Chuck Norris does not have to answer the phone. His beard picks up the incoming electrical impulses and translates them into audible sound.