Are you a turtle?

Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.

His followers called him Mahasamatman and said he was a god. He preferred

to drop the Maha- and the -atman, however, and called himself Sam. He never

claimed to be a god. But then, he never claimed not to be a god. Circum-

stances being what they were, neither admission could be of any benefit.

Silence, though, could. It was in the days of the rains that their prayers

went up, not from the fingering of knotted prayer cords or the spinning of

prayer wheels, but from the great pray-machine in the monastery of Ratri,

goddess of the Night. The high-frequency prayers were directed upward through

the atmosphere and out beyond it, passing into that golden cloud called the

Bridge of the Gods, which circles the entire world, is seen as a bronze

rainbow at night and is the place where the red sun becomes orange at midday.

Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique...

-- Roger Zelazny, "Lord of Light"

You teach best what you most need to learn.

FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #31

A: Chicken Teriyaki.

Q: What is the name of the world's oldest kamikaze pilot?

You will wish you hadn't.

You will be run over by a bus.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of

24 hours.

-- Mark Twain, on New England weather

The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,

mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,

the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn

like fabulous yellow Roman candles.

-- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"

A is for Apple.

-- Hester Pryne

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.

Water, taken in moderation cannot hurt anybody.

-- Mark Twain

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?

A: To cover up the valve stem.

There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a

rising scale of compliment: 1, to tell him you have read one of his books; 2,

to tell him you have read all of his books; 3, to ask him to let you read the

manuscript of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; No. 2

admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.

"Life, loathe it or ignore it, you can't like it."

-- Marvin, "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"

Must I hold a candle to my shames?

-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I

know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must

be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people

I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."

-- Bastian B. Bux

The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.

-- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"

You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.