You will be held hostage by a radical group.

Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.

You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more

deadly in the long run.

-- Mark Twain

Q: Why did the tachyon cross the road?

A: Because it was on the other side.

Troubled day for virgins over 16 who are beautiful and wealthy and live

in eucalyptus trees.

He hath eaten me out of house and home.

-- William Shakespeare, "Henry IV"

Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?

A: One per person.

You will be Told about it Tomorrow. Go Home and Prepare Thyself.

It's a very *__UN*lucky week in which to be took dead.

-- Churchy La Femme

You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.

You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.

I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The

books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone

today!

-- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"

on the topic of school textbooks

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can read.

-- Mark Twain

Q: How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?

A: 2 bits.

You will be reincarnated as a toad; and you will be much happier.

Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.

Q: Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?

A: Because that was her name.

The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first

female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,

rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what

would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my

career.

-- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.

Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.