Swerve me? The path to my fixed purpose is laid with iron rails,

whereon my soul is grooved to run. Over unsounded gorges, through

the rifled hearts of mountains, under torrents' beds, unerringly I rush!

-- Captain Ahab, "Moby Dick"

When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.

You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.

You are standing on my toes.

Someone is speaking well of you.

How unusual!

Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be

misinterpreted by somebody.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and

enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to

lend money.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Your goose is cooked.

(Your current chick is burned up too!)

Break into jail and claim police brutality.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.

Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number

GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,

of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally

left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....

consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".

You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward. Therefore you

have few friends.

Q: How many journalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to report it as an inspired government program to bring

light to the people, one to report it as a diabolical government plot

to deprive the poor of darkness, and one to win a Pulitzer prize for

reporting that Electric Company hired a light bulb-assassin to break

the bulb in the first place.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more

deadly in the long run.

-- Mark Twain

You work very hard. Don't try to think as well.

Q: Why was Stonehenge abandoned?

A: It wasn't IBM compatible.

You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.

He jests at scars who never felt a wound.

-- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"