The ripest fruit falls first.

-- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"

All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"--a strange complaint to come from

the mouths of people who have had to live.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"

F.S. Fitzgerald to Hemingway:

"Ernest, the rich are different from us."

Hemingway:

"Yes. They have more money."

There is a 20% chance of tomorrow.

Your step will soil many countries.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;

And from that full meridian of my glory

I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,

Like a bright exhalation in the evening

And no man see me more.

-- Shakespeare

There was a phone call for you.

You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.

Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news soon.

Good day for a change of scene. Repaper the bedroom wall.

Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.

Your goose is cooked.

(Your current chick is burned up too!)

Everything will be just tickety-boo today.

Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?

A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

-- Mark Twain

So this is it. We're going to die.

There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.

-- Joan Didion, "Slouching Towards Bethlehem"

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles

as if she laid an asteroid.

-- Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.

-- Mark Twain