It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion

that makes horse-races.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Make a wish, it might come true.

Communicate! It can't make things any worse.

The Least Perceptive Literary Critic

The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A

most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to

give a public reading of his latest poem.

Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord

Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.

Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."

Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable

and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece. "Be so good as to mark

the place and consider at your leisure. I'm sure you can give it a better

turn."

After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.

Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side. "There is no need to touch the

lines," he said. "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on

Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation

on those passages, and then read them to him as altered. I have known him

much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."

Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem

exactly as it was before. His unique critical faculties had lost none of

their edge. "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right. Nothing can

be better."

-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working

when he's staring out the window.

Never give an inch!

Q: Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?

A: Lawn Boy.

English literature's performing flea.

-- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse

A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.

You need more time; and you probably always will.

Small things make base men proud.

-- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"

You will be singled out for promotion in your work.

This life is yours. Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.

Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come.

-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.

I dote on his very absence.

-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"

Q: Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?

A: Because he was hungry.

You will be a winner today. Pick a fight with a four-year-old.

"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed. Oh, I

know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must

be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people

I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."

-- Bastian B. Bux

AWAKE! FEAR! FIRE! FOES! AWAKE!

FEAR! FIRE! FOES!

AWAKE! AWAKE!

-- J. R. R. Tolkien