Sometimes I wonder if I'm in my right mind. Then it passes off and I'm

as intelligent as ever.

-- Samuel Beckett, "Endgame"

You have a truly strong individuality.

It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits:

freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either.

-- Mark Twain

Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"--which is

but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention;" but the wise

man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and--WATCH THAT BASKET."

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Many pages make a thick book.

I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;

And from that full meridian of my glory

I haste now to my setting. I shall fall,

Like a bright exhalation in the evening

And no man see me more.

-- Shakespeare

Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.

Q: What is the sound of one cat napping?

A: Mu.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

-- "Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Kiss me, Kate, we will be married o' Sunday.

-- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew"

You learn to write as if to someone else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE

"SOMEONE ELSE."

You're being followed. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.

In the stairway of life, you'd best take the elevator.

Courage is your greatest present need.

Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub

with brightly colored machine tools.

[Surrealist jokes just aren't my cup of fur. Ed.]

Your ignorance cramps my conversation.

Q: Are we not men?

A: We are Vaxen.

You will triumph over your enemy.

Make a wish, it might come true.

You can create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive.