My only love sprung from my only hate!

Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

-- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet"

You dialed 5483.

The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

-- Mark Twain

In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into

use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather

which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

-- Mark Twain

You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.

This was the most unkindest cut of all.

-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"

Q: How do you play religious roulette?

A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets

struck by lightning first.

October.

This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.

The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,

December, August, and February.

-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

You will give someone a piece of your mind, which you can ill afford.

Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.

You'd like to do it instantaneously, but that's too slow.

No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you! Consider the furniture!

-- Sherlock Holmes

You could live a better life, if you had a better mind and a better body.

The Least Successful Collector

Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting. She

was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had

amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the

works of Shakespeare.

One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond

legibility. Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms. The

remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.

The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned

the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the

French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.

-- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

Q: Are we not men?

A: We are Vaxen.

That secret you've been guarding, isn't.

You too can wear a nose mitten.

If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.

-- Ernest Hemingway

You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy cause.

The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.

-- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"